So you know how often we take for granite times without stress until we are in a time that is stressful? We just don’t take the time to stop and think “Hey I have a good life.” Well today as I sat in major pain from my IBS, which is generally brought on by my stress level I realized I have not had these problems for quite some time.
Back in 2006 I had a bought of IBS problems but those were brought on by the nasty antibiotic the dentist gave me (one more reason to hate dentists… like I needed one) that killed all the good biotics in my system but overall I have not had much in the way of IBS problems since I moved here nearly 4 years ago. I attribute this to a number of factors. I am learning how to control my stress levels and I have not really had much to stress about. Many of you that know me and have helped me deal with the past 4 yrs may disagree, over 3 months out of work… hating my previous job and many of my previous coworkers, but really overall it’s not been a problem. However, this week I am having problems. I am distracted by what my friend is going through and her daughter in particular.
How hard must it be to have lost your father to Leukemia when you were 11 and now at 17 your mom is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Spending your weekends in the hospital wondering what will happen instead of carelessly cruising town with your friends. Hanging out and having your biggest concern be if some boy at school likes you. Ugh…
I have worked my way through all of the stages of grief denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The acceptance part is the worst in my opinion. I am a rebel. At times I rebel against myself. I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want it to be true and because I am so far from where she is and I can’t see what’s happening denial is much easier. So in the process of being in denial my body knows and has accepted what is true and so it conflicts with itself.
On the other hand I know some of my stress comes from my impending greeting of my parents. I have not seen my family since I moved here. I have thought about going to see them a number of times but each year something came up. We can just go ahead and call this avoidance. I have had enough therapy to know I avoid my parents. The reasons are too many to even begin to express but I will say that my mother and I have rarely seen eye to eye and my father has a tendency to do what my mother tells him. I can not blame him for this because well… he has to live with her. If you have read my posts recently you will know that I was already anticipating a trip “home” for my brother’s wedding in November. My blood pressure was higher two weeks ago (before I heard about my friend) then it has been in longer then my Dr. has on file. When I see my mother we fight. It is not something that happens every time we see each other but often enough for me to expect it to happen. Since I am there only 49 hours I am hoping we can manage not to fight. I really don’t want to fight. Life is far too short. In spite of it all I love my parents. We had good times but the bad times stick with a person longer.
So here I am a big ball of stress trying to release my tension through bubble baths and jasmine tea. I need to keep reminding myself to breath. I want to be past all this and be my happy go-lucky person again. I miss that person. I am not a big fan of this droopy dumpy version of myself. For those who know me this is not me. I have always been more T-i-double g-rrrrrr then Eeyore but here I sit with the cloud over my head.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Hope for a Second Chance
When I am placed in a situation were I do not know what to think or how to feel my brain goes into “learning” mode. I want to learn everything there is to know or feel about the situation. I really do not know why I react this way but I can say bless and curse the internet in regards to the information available. I found out this morning that a friend of mine has an inoperable brain tumor. My response initial response was “why?” then I moved on to “now what?” and so off I went to the internet to find out all I could about brain tumors.
When I was 15 years old and a part of my mother’s church, there was a period of time when several women that I had become close to (either through babysitting their children or friends of the family) in the church got pregnant and miscarried their babies. I very clearly remember 3 of them but I believe there were a total of 5 women over a couple years that miscarried. One day I asked a friend in the church “Why would god let this happen?” I was young and confused and wanted an answer for these horrifying tragedies. The person said that maybe God (in his almighty wisdom) was preparing me for something I would have to deal with in the future. I was MORTIFIED. This person truly believed that this “God” would allow all this pain and suffering for my sake. The day I miscarried my second child I was in a fit of anger I suddenly remembered what the person had said to me. That was the day I truly decided that “God” or whatever out there was allowing this to happen was telling me I didn’t need to have children.
Back to the point… Since that fateful day every time someone around me has had trauma I have tried to learn what I can about it so that if I am faced with it again in my future I will know as much as possible. If any of these bad things that happen are so that I can learn something from it then I will be damned if I am not going to learn it. So over the past many years when nasty things happen I delve into books on the subject and read websites and forums.
Now this woman that I know that has a tumor is probably the single most amazing person I have ever met. I met Evelyn at my job at Fidelity National Title. She is an assistant to the attorneys in the office and I worked very closely with her for several years. After our jobs within the company became more distant she would always stop by my desk and chat on her breaks. She is very much the reason I was able to pack up and move the Seattle. She is a Pollyanna. Anytime there is something negative going on she would be the person to find a positive in it. I learned a great deal of patience in dealing with things and people from this woman. She also helped me through both of the aforementioned miscarriages and my divorce with a bright shining disposition through the toughest of times. Several years ago her husband had Leukemia. He was in remission after many months of treatment and suddenly with no warning he was sick again and he passed away. Through this Evelyn was the strong one. Instead of being the receiver she continued to be the giver. Always giving. Always. From everything I have read there is no good side to a Grade IV Inoperable Brain Tumor. I will continue to hope and pray that there is a miracle. If anyone on this earth deserves one it would be this woman.
I have seen miracles happen. My uncle was given 3 days to live and that was 20 years ago. He is still around and enjoying his grandkids. I believe it can happen. I want to see it happen again and to someone who could not be more deserving of this second chance.
When I was 15 years old and a part of my mother’s church, there was a period of time when several women that I had become close to (either through babysitting their children or friends of the family) in the church got pregnant and miscarried their babies. I very clearly remember 3 of them but I believe there were a total of 5 women over a couple years that miscarried. One day I asked a friend in the church “Why would god let this happen?” I was young and confused and wanted an answer for these horrifying tragedies. The person said that maybe God (in his almighty wisdom) was preparing me for something I would have to deal with in the future. I was MORTIFIED. This person truly believed that this “God” would allow all this pain and suffering for my sake. The day I miscarried my second child I was in a fit of anger I suddenly remembered what the person had said to me. That was the day I truly decided that “God” or whatever out there was allowing this to happen was telling me I didn’t need to have children.
Back to the point… Since that fateful day every time someone around me has had trauma I have tried to learn what I can about it so that if I am faced with it again in my future I will know as much as possible. If any of these bad things that happen are so that I can learn something from it then I will be damned if I am not going to learn it. So over the past many years when nasty things happen I delve into books on the subject and read websites and forums.
Now this woman that I know that has a tumor is probably the single most amazing person I have ever met. I met Evelyn at my job at Fidelity National Title. She is an assistant to the attorneys in the office and I worked very closely with her for several years. After our jobs within the company became more distant she would always stop by my desk and chat on her breaks. She is very much the reason I was able to pack up and move the Seattle. She is a Pollyanna. Anytime there is something negative going on she would be the person to find a positive in it. I learned a great deal of patience in dealing with things and people from this woman. She also helped me through both of the aforementioned miscarriages and my divorce with a bright shining disposition through the toughest of times. Several years ago her husband had Leukemia. He was in remission after many months of treatment and suddenly with no warning he was sick again and he passed away. Through this Evelyn was the strong one. Instead of being the receiver she continued to be the giver. Always giving. Always. From everything I have read there is no good side to a Grade IV Inoperable Brain Tumor. I will continue to hope and pray that there is a miracle. If anyone on this earth deserves one it would be this woman.
I have seen miracles happen. My uncle was given 3 days to live and that was 20 years ago. He is still around and enjoying his grandkids. I believe it can happen. I want to see it happen again and to someone who could not be more deserving of this second chance.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Week 1 diet recap
Week 1 started really well. I have become better about pre-planning my lunches and I am working on finding recipes to keep it interesting. Last week I made Rachael Ray's Chicken Caccitore Stoup. I slightly modified it by removing some of the oil 1 of the potatoes and added more pepper, onion, mushroom and chicken (the good stuff). It turned out FANTASTIC! I made a big batch and then portioned them out into serving size containers so I just nuke it and have lunch.
I did 20 minutes a day on my elliptical (building up to more) and 10 minutes a day of arm work outs with my weights. This worked well Monday - Wednesday. Thursday I woke up with a migraine. It has been about 2 years since I have had a migraine so first off let me say I am happy to have been free of them for 2 years. I fought my way through work Thursday but Friday morning I woke up and just couldn't take it so I called in. The problem with calling in is I had not prepared to have food in my house. So I did not eat as well Friday. Saturday I woke up feeling much better and exerted myself cleaning my house for a few hours. Sunday I went to the mall (needed new shoes for work) and walked the mall.
Overall I feel last week went well. This week I have planned Chicken Caesar Wraps with light dressing and stir fry for lunch. Now that I have my breakfast and lunch in order I really need to start working on dinners...
Well that will be my goal for week 3. *grin*
Week 1 - 2 pounds lost, 48 to go.
I did 20 minutes a day on my elliptical (building up to more) and 10 minutes a day of arm work outs with my weights. This worked well Monday - Wednesday. Thursday I woke up with a migraine. It has been about 2 years since I have had a migraine so first off let me say I am happy to have been free of them for 2 years. I fought my way through work Thursday but Friday morning I woke up and just couldn't take it so I called in. The problem with calling in is I had not prepared to have food in my house. So I did not eat as well Friday. Saturday I woke up feeling much better and exerted myself cleaning my house for a few hours. Sunday I went to the mall (needed new shoes for work) and walked the mall.
Overall I feel last week went well. This week I have planned Chicken Caesar Wraps with light dressing and stir fry for lunch. Now that I have my breakfast and lunch in order I really need to start working on dinners...
Well that will be my goal for week 3. *grin*
Week 1 - 2 pounds lost, 48 to go.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Changes they can be good for you!
Today is a bit of a rambler… I apologize if I bore you I just am feeling grateful and wanted to share. *grin*
So Last May I lost my job at WizKids games. I am not going to go into the how or why but I will say it was a very beneficial situation for me. LOL For those of you out there that do not know much about WK (not many but a few) here is a little background. I became involved in their games about 8 months into the companies existence. I fell in love with their fantasy based table top game. It was fun and new and it was helping me get out and meet new people. I had formerly played Magic the Gathering and really had come to enjoy the friendly atmosphere at my local venues. I began to disagree with some of the companies decisions and so I quit playing MtG and not long after picked up Mage Knight from WizKids. Now don’t bother going out and googling the game because the brilliant folks at WK killed it and it is buried (or should be).
So after going to conventions and getting to know some of the staff and also seeing the atrocious state of their Customer Service and Envoy (Volunteer) program I knew I could help (or at least try). I packed up and moved from Orlando, Florida to Seattle, Washington in hopes of landing a job with them. I knew it wouldn’t be all fun and games but I thought it would be a different atmosphere from the Title Insurance Company I was working with. I got the call that I had a job about a month before I had planned to move. Since I had already given notice at my job and my landlord it was increasingly easy for me to move the date forward and I moved out here with 12 days notice.
Upon arrival I started my job and really liked it. I was traveling about 12 weeks a year which I loved and I really enjoyed working with the volunteers, many of which I had become friends with over the years of being a volunteer for the company. Some of the people I would call my best friends today are people I met though volunteering or working with the company. Sadly though after 9 months of being at WK the management decided to totally shift the way the business worked and in essence, for a few months, dissolved my position. I foresaw this happening and snatched up a reception position as soon as it became available. When I was working in the envoy program I would say I was a bit overworked. The weeks I traveled I averaged about 70-80 hours of work, on the weeks I didn’t travel I worked a minimum of 55 to 60. I was on salary so the money coming in really did not cover the work I was putting out. When I transferred to the reception position and started working hourly at 40 hours a week and getting paid the same as I was being paid for 70… I began to realize how little the position agreed with me. Also in the process of traveling and pushing my body to extremes by not eating properly I became borderline diabetic. So when the position in the volunteer group became active again I realized I had to choose my job or my health. I chose my health. In the beginning of last year the company was put up for purchase and 34% of the office was laid off. After 2.5 years in a reception position that totally wasted my talents I finally surrendered and as I mentioned early I left. (Personal thank you to all involved.)
Upon leaving I was very conflicted. Should I attempt to get a job with another game company? Well seeing the industry decreasing with every breath I decided not to. After I took a few months off, to enjoy the summer in Seattle and just sleep, I looked for a new job. I found the one here at Allen Brackett Shedd (Real Estate Appraisers, mostly commercial and government properties) and I couldn’t be happier. I adore several of my coworkers and the ones I don’t I can tolerate without hassle. We are a company of 18 people of which I would say 10 have been with the company more then a decade. The company is about 30 years old and doesn’t show any signs of wear. Heck for Christmas last year I got the biggest bonus I have ever received, not to mention after meeting with me and seeing my experience level they hired me on for MORE money then I had asked for. *grin* The company really appreciates its employees and for me that is a very pleasant change. In the past I have had bosses that at times appreciated me but not really whole companies. I had my 6 month review not to long ago and it was fantastic. It really is nice to have people appreciate the hard work you do.
So I am rambling now and I will get to the point. Today I got news that WizKids laid off 9 more employees last week. Sometimes it takes things like that to remind you just how lucky you are. If any of you out there are people that were laid off, you have my congratulations and if you want it my sympathy. I personally think it is more of congratulations though. Good luck in your futures and I hope you find a new company to work with, one that I know will appreciate you more then WizKids could begin to. If you are reading this and you are still with WizKids you also have my sympathies. I hope things are going better then it sounds like they are going and good luck. I hope in a year you can look back and say that you are in a better place because of this… I know leaving WizKids is the best thing that has happened to me since I took the job nearly 4 years ago.
Oh and I lost 2 pounds last week even though a migraine took me out for 2 days! Woot!
So Last May I lost my job at WizKids games. I am not going to go into the how or why but I will say it was a very beneficial situation for me. LOL For those of you out there that do not know much about WK (not many but a few) here is a little background. I became involved in their games about 8 months into the companies existence. I fell in love with their fantasy based table top game. It was fun and new and it was helping me get out and meet new people. I had formerly played Magic the Gathering and really had come to enjoy the friendly atmosphere at my local venues. I began to disagree with some of the companies decisions and so I quit playing MtG and not long after picked up Mage Knight from WizKids. Now don’t bother going out and googling the game because the brilliant folks at WK killed it and it is buried (or should be).
So after going to conventions and getting to know some of the staff and also seeing the atrocious state of their Customer Service and Envoy (Volunteer) program I knew I could help (or at least try). I packed up and moved from Orlando, Florida to Seattle, Washington in hopes of landing a job with them. I knew it wouldn’t be all fun and games but I thought it would be a different atmosphere from the Title Insurance Company I was working with. I got the call that I had a job about a month before I had planned to move. Since I had already given notice at my job and my landlord it was increasingly easy for me to move the date forward and I moved out here with 12 days notice.
Upon arrival I started my job and really liked it. I was traveling about 12 weeks a year which I loved and I really enjoyed working with the volunteers, many of which I had become friends with over the years of being a volunteer for the company. Some of the people I would call my best friends today are people I met though volunteering or working with the company. Sadly though after 9 months of being at WK the management decided to totally shift the way the business worked and in essence, for a few months, dissolved my position. I foresaw this happening and snatched up a reception position as soon as it became available. When I was working in the envoy program I would say I was a bit overworked. The weeks I traveled I averaged about 70-80 hours of work, on the weeks I didn’t travel I worked a minimum of 55 to 60. I was on salary so the money coming in really did not cover the work I was putting out. When I transferred to the reception position and started working hourly at 40 hours a week and getting paid the same as I was being paid for 70… I began to realize how little the position agreed with me. Also in the process of traveling and pushing my body to extremes by not eating properly I became borderline diabetic. So when the position in the volunteer group became active again I realized I had to choose my job or my health. I chose my health. In the beginning of last year the company was put up for purchase and 34% of the office was laid off. After 2.5 years in a reception position that totally wasted my talents I finally surrendered and as I mentioned early I left. (Personal thank you to all involved.)
Upon leaving I was very conflicted. Should I attempt to get a job with another game company? Well seeing the industry decreasing with every breath I decided not to. After I took a few months off, to enjoy the summer in Seattle and just sleep, I looked for a new job. I found the one here at Allen Brackett Shedd (Real Estate Appraisers, mostly commercial and government properties) and I couldn’t be happier. I adore several of my coworkers and the ones I don’t I can tolerate without hassle. We are a company of 18 people of which I would say 10 have been with the company more then a decade. The company is about 30 years old and doesn’t show any signs of wear. Heck for Christmas last year I got the biggest bonus I have ever received, not to mention after meeting with me and seeing my experience level they hired me on for MORE money then I had asked for. *grin* The company really appreciates its employees and for me that is a very pleasant change. In the past I have had bosses that at times appreciated me but not really whole companies. I had my 6 month review not to long ago and it was fantastic. It really is nice to have people appreciate the hard work you do.
So I am rambling now and I will get to the point. Today I got news that WizKids laid off 9 more employees last week. Sometimes it takes things like that to remind you just how lucky you are. If any of you out there are people that were laid off, you have my congratulations and if you want it my sympathy. I personally think it is more of congratulations though. Good luck in your futures and I hope you find a new company to work with, one that I know will appreciate you more then WizKids could begin to. If you are reading this and you are still with WizKids you also have my sympathies. I hope things are going better then it sounds like they are going and good luck. I hope in a year you can look back and say that you are in a better place because of this… I know leaving WizKids is the best thing that has happened to me since I took the job nearly 4 years ago.
Oh and I lost 2 pounds last week even though a migraine took me out for 2 days! Woot!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
