Hope for a Second Chance

When I am placed in a situation were I do not know what to think or how to feel my brain goes into “learning” mode. I want to learn everything there is to know or feel about the situation. I really do not know why I react this way but I can say bless and curse the internet in regards to the information available. I found out this morning that a friend of mine has an inoperable brain tumor. My response initial response was “why?” then I moved on to “now what?” and so off I went to the internet to find out all I could about brain tumors.

When I was 15 years old and a part of my mother’s church, there was a period of time when several women that I had become close to (either through babysitting their children or friends of the family) in the church got pregnant and miscarried their babies. I very clearly remember 3 of them but I believe there were a total of 5 women over a couple years that miscarried. One day I asked a friend in the church “Why would god let this happen?” I was young and confused and wanted an answer for these horrifying tragedies. The person said that maybe God (in his almighty wisdom) was preparing me for something I would have to deal with in the future. I was MORTIFIED. This person truly believed that this “God” would allow all this pain and suffering for my sake. The day I miscarried my second child I was in a fit of anger I suddenly remembered what the person had said to me. That was the day I truly decided that “God” or whatever out there was allowing this to happen was telling me I didn’t need to have children.

Back to the point… Since that fateful day every time someone around me has had trauma I have tried to learn what I can about it so that if I am faced with it again in my future I will know as much as possible. If any of these bad things that happen are so that I can learn something from it then I will be damned if I am not going to learn it. So over the past many years when nasty things happen I delve into books on the subject and read websites and forums.

Now this woman that I know that has a tumor is probably the single most amazing person I have ever met. I met Evelyn at my job at Fidelity National Title. She is an assistant to the attorneys in the office and I worked very closely with her for several years. After our jobs within the company became more distant she would always stop by my desk and chat on her breaks. She is very much the reason I was able to pack up and move the Seattle. She is a Pollyanna. Anytime there is something negative going on she would be the person to find a positive in it. I learned a great deal of patience in dealing with things and people from this woman. She also helped me through both of the aforementioned miscarriages and my divorce with a bright shining disposition through the toughest of times. Several years ago her husband had Leukemia. He was in remission after many months of treatment and suddenly with no warning he was sick again and he passed away. Through this Evelyn was the strong one. Instead of being the receiver she continued to be the giver. Always giving. Always. From everything I have read there is no good side to a Grade IV Inoperable Brain Tumor. I will continue to hope and pray that there is a miracle. If anyone on this earth deserves one it would be this woman.

I have seen miracles happen. My uncle was given 3 days to live and that was 20 years ago. He is still around and enjoying his grandkids. I believe it can happen. I want to see it happen again and to someone who could not be more deserving of this second chance.