A Time for Change

Fair warning long post. I kinda ramble.

So the past 2 years or so I have been living in 2 houses. I share a house with a roommate and my brother and my 2 kitties and the other half of the week I have been staying with Bill. Bill is my “boyfriend”. I don’t really feel like that term really fits because I am not 16 yrs old. LOL Bill is more my “significant other” but I tend to hate that term to because “what am I insignificant?” hehe Bill is Bill. So anyway back to the point. I am officially moving into Bill’s house. Prior to now Bill was hoping to sell his house so it didn’t make a whole lot of sense for me to move into this house just to move out again. Also this is the house he raised his kids in with his ex-wife and there was a bit of an odd feeling about me living there. Well with the market where it is and time being what it is I have decided it is too much of a pain for me to continue living in 2 homes and Bill’s house has really begun to feel like home. So in the next month I am moving completely into one home.

Of course in doing this, complications occur. My 2 lovely children (cats) have grown extremely attached to my brother. My brother is a home body and spoils my children hideously. With this decision to move I realize that taking my older cat, Shadow, away from my brother is not a good plan. They are 2 of the same. Also if I am serious about taking my life on the road in an RV at some point in the future neither of my kitties would be happy living that way. This means when I officially move I am leaving them with him. This has been a very hard decision for me to make and I know it is the best thing for them. I will be able to stop by and love on them from time to time but I will not have them wake me in the morning for a belly rub or wake to find them sleeping on my head.

This month has been very emotional for me. I am happy to begin my new life with Bill but I am also sad to leave my old life behind. This has been coming out in so many ways. My old life was also very much the fat me. In moving I have begun going through my boxes to get rid of anything I do not want to keep. My prior job was with a game company. I traveled to conventions and organized fans that played our games. It was in reality my dream job. My wardrobe for this job consisted of Jeans and t-shirts. I became the proud owner of over 25 different comic t-shirts (batman, superman, and other comic book heroes and villains) I have always loved comics and so it was very fun to be able to wear these shirts as part of my work. All of these t-shirts are 2XL since that was the most comfortable fit for me at the weight I was then. Well as I have begun going through my closet and boxes of clothes that are now too big for me all of these shirts have to go. Oh the bittersweetness that comes from losing weight. So in the process of this move I am in many ways having to let go of a prior life. This is a big part of what has been holding me back this month (I have realized recently.) I am not one to dislike change. I have had a very gypsy-like life but to give up all of these t-shirts and to move and leave my kitties behind and just moving on towards a different future then I ever imagined for myself is quite scary. I never in my wildest imagination ever thought I would ever actually lose the weight and keep it off. Through journaling and talking with a close friend I have really begun to realize that mentally this is going to be the biggest move I have ever made. That is saying something since just 4 years ago I sold everything I owned and packed 15 boxes and 2 cats and flew from Florida to Seattle (I had never been west of Minnesota prior) and moved my entire life here but this is a deeply emotional move for me because I am moving into an “area” of my life that I never could have begun to imagine before now. A life where I am more important than I have ever been.

So anyway there is a little bit of where my brain is at. Sometimes in our “diets” when we get stuck we really have to stop and realize it could be things effecting us from the outside in.