SSDD

Just a note for anyone that may be concerned about Bill’s job (Microsoft laid off 1400 last week) he is still doing ok. As for his health, he got squeezed in to an early nephrologist’s appointment to look at his kidneys. They seem to be working okay but again another precaution.

I have been doing pretty well this week. We are working at getting our diet and exercise back on track and the one thing I realize is I do a darn good job of kicking my own butt. I was watching “Run Fat Boy Run” this weekend and it really made me laugh. I would suggest if you like a good comedy with some romantic under tones you should check it out.

Shadow is doing ok. He has eaten some on his own but not enough to sustain so Mike has been continuing to force feed him. His foot seems to be getting somewhat better. At least he is not dragging it behind him at this point.

All in all things are getting better. I had a by-annual check up with the doctor this morning and everything seems ok.

Nothing really new… go to work, come home, clean house, do laundry… SSDD.

Tests and no results

I have reached a level of frustration with Doctors that I have not felt since my grandfather was ill. I am old enough now to know not all Doctors are idiots. Even if some days I feel that way. I also know that not all doctors are lazy and care more about their paycheck then they do the patient that they have sitting in front of them. I do however know WHY people often believe this. I am tired of tests being taken and having no results. Also why is it that Endocrinologists don't deem someone passing out and not breathing as serious enough to get an appointment without waiting 3 WEEKS?!?!

I don't know about you... but if I were a doctor with a case like this I might be willing to work late one fricking night to see the patient. Grumble Argh really trying to contain my frustration but it is just bursting at the seams.

Anyway updates. BIll had his EEG and Doppler yesterday. It really wore him out. He is still doing ok. The eating before bed has not seemed to help th way we hoped it would. We are starting to test his blood glucose levels several times a day to get a baseline on where he is currently. His morning glucose has been all over the place. As low as 120 and as high as 157. I can't find anywhere online where I can even find if this is good or bad or how good or bad. Also without knowing what his BG was the morning he passed out I don't have any idea what these numbers even mean. In many ways this week has been harder on me than last week because I just keep waiting for answers and we have gotten none.

Shadow finally had a BM last night. Gross I know but it is a positive. He seems to be improving a little each day but is still not eating on his own. I don't even know what to think about it. I am supposed to take him in for an updated CBC but I am worried the stress of going to the vet might push him back from the progress we have made so far this week. I will call the vet and discuss it with her. I also don't want to take him back and have him catch anything else. His head cold that has caused him so much sneezing and yucky he caught while he was there.

For today I want to scream and more likely I would like to scream at doctors. People say they deserve all the money they make but I am just not seeing why. When Bill and I had to go through dozens of tests and 2 full days in the hospital for them to know nothing and he and I figured out the likely culprit with some online research. Stupid Doctors. Hopefully we will find a smart one or two in the bunch when we FINALLY get to see the endocrinologist. I will attempt not to go in with an attitude. I am not happy to have to wait though. His appointment is Feb 5th.

I need a nap. Nothing seems important at work today. These are the days I really want to just go. Run away. Hide even. Why do we spend our whole lives wasted at these stupid jobs? Some people do important things. I have never had a job that was truly necessary.

I was commenting to a friend that if people weren't lazy I wouldn't have a job... this has really become a true statement in my current role and at times I just have to wonder why me?

Now I am having my own little pity party. I have a good life. I have good friends. I have Bill. I need to be happy with these things. I'll keep telling myself this today. Maybe we will go RV shopping this weekend. It is supposed to be "Not rainy" which is rare for January. :-) Maybe it is a message for us to go.

Thank you again for all your thoughts and support.

Monday again

So this morning I discovered what some would call Post-traumatic stress disorder. Upon leaving for work this morning we took our usual route over highway 18. Bill wanted to go to work to try and get a few things done and I definitely needed to come in to meet the new boss and get some work done. I have left my poor co-worker Kim to fight all of my battles for a week.

As we started our commute I just felt ill in my stomach. As we reached the spot where we pulled over I felt like I would throw up. Ugh. I became emotional and really began to re-think leaving Bill in the hands of his co-workers. This is where the trust issues I have had over the years really come forth. I can not control every waking moment of Bill’s existence. I know this but I will be damned if I don’t want to try. I think after his appointments on Wednesday I will feel somewhat better and we have seen over the last week that it is only effecting him in the morning hours. The problem becomes he will be at work for 6 hours without me to watch over him. Bill thinks I am being somewhat ridiculous but I really feel paranoid that something may happen and no one in his office will notice until it is too late. The good part of it is he had warning before he passed out. He felt faint and sweaty and hot. So we are very clear that if he feels odd at all he is to go sit in an office with another person.

I want to stop worrying but I am just beside myself as to how to let go.

So in researching Diabetes and people that only have problems in the morning I ran across a few articles about something called the “Dawn Phenomenon” (sounds like a good sci-fi novel if you ask me) It turns out that many diabetics have very high blood sugar in the morning even if their sugar is lower throughout the day. The suggestion was that the person eats something with a natural carb (juice, fruit) with a fat (peanut butter) before bed. This will help regulate their sugar through the night. So last night Bill had an apple and peanut butter before bed and this morning his blood sugar was the closest to normal it has been all week. This may be a big step towards where we need to be. At least it affected something we could see.

Shadow is still not eating on his own. This is really a concern because I know what fatty liver disease does to a cat and from most of what I read if a cat goes even 24 hours without food can cause this very quickly. My brother is doing a great job of shoving food down his gullet but again I worry.

I finally broke down the other night after being with Shadow most of the day. I cried for about 2 hours and then in my state of curiosity I had to go online and research why people cry. It appears that when we cry we release all the extra hormones we have pent up in our bodies. Fascinating. I still have not found a website that covers why our noses become leaky faucets but I am guessing it is similar to the crying.

I am feeling disjointed and I guess you can probably tell by reading this. Guess that’s about it today.

It's sometimes the simple things that really matter

How often have you looked at your pet while he was eating or just simply walking across the room and thought nothing of it? Well today I can say the only thing I want is for Shadow to walk normally and to eat on his own.

Bill is doing ok. We still are waiting for some test results. His doctor perscribed us a sugar monitor and his sugar has been high every morning and his blood pressure is way up as well. We had several specialists in the hospital looking at his case and Bill and I figure out the frickin diagnosis. With the help of his doctor we are fairly certain Bill went into a diabetic coma. A scary thing but something that will be fairly easily controllable with diet and exercise but for the time being is a pretty dangerous until we can get his sugar back on track. We still have appointments for his EEG and Doppler (I think it's funny that they want to check his weather ;-)

I am concerned but at least we are headed in A direction rather then simply "these things happen". I will probably not update for a day or two unless anything else happens until then we are in a holding pattern.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts!
Leslie

Update 1

Went to Bill's general doctor today and he also disliked the "sometimes these things just happen" diagnosis. He is sending Bill for 2 new tests next week (EEG and Doppler) These will test to see if Bill had a seizure and also to see if his veins to his brain are clot free. We also discovered something new this morning. Shortly after breakfast Bill was not feeling well again and was clammy, thank goodness he did not pass out again. So we are thinking that it might have something to do with his blood sugar levels (also considering he has gained back much of the weight he lost) so even though we had already planned to get healthy and both of us exercising again we are really in a push for it now.

After the doctor I went up to see Shadow and he was sleeping. He did not seem any better but sometimes when he just wakes up he is groggy. I put the hot compress on his foot and massaged it like the doctor said to and then tried to get him to eat with no luck. I had to run by work and so I decided to try food again later.

I thought my week was done with drama for the most part or that it would be confined to my personal life until I went in to work this afternoon only for an hour to pick up some stuff to do from home to find out that my office is laying off 3 of the employees. 2 appraisers and my boss, the 2 appraisers I will not miss much but my boss I am upset about. She was one of the better bosses I have had and really all around a great lady. However, I do think this may be a good thing for her. I am hoping to see a great oppurtunity in her future in a job she can really be happy in.

After all the drama at work took longer then I anticipated I realized I had better head home before the rain washed out all paths to my house (we have had so much snow and rain that several roads in the area are currently closed due to floods.) I came home much disappointed that I hadn't spent much time with Shadow. Later Mike (my brother) called to tell me Shadow was eating treats on his own. This is huge. Cats, at times, can forget how to eat. He had shown interest in food by sniffing but had not been eating anything that wasn't forced on him. So with him eating treats we know he can eat and now we just have to see if we can stimulate his appetite enough to get him back in the ball game.

More updates as I can. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers they seem to be helping!
Love all of you and kiss or hug a loved one. Make sure you are appreciating them because you never can tell what tomorrow will bring!
Leslie

Worst Week (tv show or my life?)

What a week…

First I need to specify that Bill is ok and Shadow is doing better. Last Friday night my brother called to tell me Shadow has been lethargic that afternoon. We agreed to give it the night and see first thing in the morning what our options were. The next day he was worse and so I drove to Bellevue and picked Mike and Shadow up and went to my vet. After speaking with the nurse they decided I should go to the Emergency Pet Hospital. After a few hours in the emergency vet we went home with an antibiotic and a cat with a fever. I had a feeling there was something more but the vet just couldn’t find anything. Sunday morning I call Mike and Shadow is now limping with his back leg and barely walking at all. I rush to Bellevue and back up to Kirkland to see the vet again. A blood clot in a cat is an extremely serious matter so they admit him and do an ultrasound and a ton of blood tests. Everything is off. There is a mass on his liver that may be cancerous and is abscessed. After a few more tests they are keeping him to give IV Antibiotics. Mike and I head home hoping but not high hopes. I now have not slept well for 2 nights and am not looking forward to a good night’s sleep again.

Monday morning I wake up. The world seems to be moving slowly. I don’t know why. I am just tired and it’s snowing again. There is a huge accident on 405 and so Bill and I decide that instead of driving different cars we will just drive the Jeep so we can both make it over Tiger Mountain (Highway 18) in the snow and avoid 405. Because I am tired Bill and I decide he should drive until we get to his work and then at that point I will drive to my office so I can go see Shadow if I get a call. We head out the door and start up the highway. Bill suddenly coughs and grabs his chest and tells me he is really hot. I feel his forehead and he is burning up and sweaty. He tells me he has to pull over. I talk him into continuing about a ¼ mile or so to an area where the road goes from 2 lanes down to 1 since we can’t pull off the road due to the snow drifts about 3-4 feet tall. We get to the spot and he pulls over. I throw the car into park while I call 911. He stops responding to me and his breathing becomes very shallow. The emergency people on the phone send people to us and the woman tells me I should start CPR because Bill is not breathing right. I can’t pull him out of the car because to our right is a 3 foot snow drift and the other is a highway during Monday rush hour traffic. I push his seat back as far as it can go and mine as well. I started CPR as best I could in the situation (thank you Kindercare fo r sending me to a CPR class). Time seems to go by at a pace I can’t even begin to describe. I was terrified. I just knew I had to keep him breathing. The Fire Dept. showed up finally after what seemed forever and yet no time at all. They pulled Bill out of the car and quickly got a pulse and blood pressure. This is a good sign and I have watched enough doctor shows to know that much. While the Fire Dept. worked on him one of them took our information. I don’t remember much about this except for all of them telling me what a great job I did and me sitting there feeling like an idiot. Finally they loaded Bill into the Ambulance and after I grabbed everything out of the Jeep I thought I might need they put me in the front. Off we went to the hospital.

If you ever have to have an incident like this or similar I highly suggest doing it in King County. We have a fantastic group of Fire Dept guys and great ER staff at Overlake Hospital.

They got us to the hospital and put us in a room. After an hour or so Bill started to come to. The FD had pumped him full of valium in the ambulance when they were trying to intubate him (his tongue if too big hehe) Bill’s blood pressure dropped to 75/50 but his respiration and heart rate were ok. I called Bill’s ex and so after a bit she and his son came by. Finally after a few hours they moved him upstairs to an ICU room and he was coherent again. They ran EKG, Cat Scans, X-rayed his heart and his lungs, ran blood test after blood test. Hooked him up to every machine they had and they can’t find anything other than a high white cell count. After spending the majority of my day waiting to hear something from the doctors I went and picked Mike up and we went to the vet to visit Shadow and see if he would eat. After 2 hours we gave up. I headed back to the hospital and found Lex back from Portland. Bill was upset that they wouldn’t let him leave because he was feeling “fine”. The night nurse convinced me that Bill would sleep better if I wasn’t there so Lex and I came back to the house to sleep for a couple hours. After waking up way too early we headed back to the hospital to sit with Bill. The doctor came in and told us all his tests were negative. No heart attack enzymes, nothing of note except a high white cell count. They know it is an infection but no guess as to where and why it would have caused him to black out and have trouble breathing. They discharged him about 5 (just in time to get stuck in rush hour traffic.)

Today he has been fine from all accounts. The Vet called and told me we could pick up Shadow. We drove up to Bellevue, picked up Mike and went and picked up Shadow. He is doing ok. The blood clot in his foot may make his foot useless or it might break up and it will be fine. We have to give him 2 weeks of antibiotics and then take him back in for more blood work and an ultra sound to look at the mass on his liver. There is a potential it is benign or to determine if he will need surgery to remove it.

So that is the last 5 days or so for me… Bill goes back to his general practitioner tomorrow morning and I am probably going to ask for a second opinion or to see someone that might have a better idea of what might have happened. I am not satisfied with the “Sometimes things just happen” diagnosis.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I will post an update soon if I have any more news.