Monday again

So this morning I discovered what some would call Post-traumatic stress disorder. Upon leaving for work this morning we took our usual route over highway 18. Bill wanted to go to work to try and get a few things done and I definitely needed to come in to meet the new boss and get some work done. I have left my poor co-worker Kim to fight all of my battles for a week.

As we started our commute I just felt ill in my stomach. As we reached the spot where we pulled over I felt like I would throw up. Ugh. I became emotional and really began to re-think leaving Bill in the hands of his co-workers. This is where the trust issues I have had over the years really come forth. I can not control every waking moment of Bill’s existence. I know this but I will be damned if I don’t want to try. I think after his appointments on Wednesday I will feel somewhat better and we have seen over the last week that it is only effecting him in the morning hours. The problem becomes he will be at work for 6 hours without me to watch over him. Bill thinks I am being somewhat ridiculous but I really feel paranoid that something may happen and no one in his office will notice until it is too late. The good part of it is he had warning before he passed out. He felt faint and sweaty and hot. So we are very clear that if he feels odd at all he is to go sit in an office with another person.

I want to stop worrying but I am just beside myself as to how to let go.

So in researching Diabetes and people that only have problems in the morning I ran across a few articles about something called the “Dawn Phenomenon” (sounds like a good sci-fi novel if you ask me) It turns out that many diabetics have very high blood sugar in the morning even if their sugar is lower throughout the day. The suggestion was that the person eats something with a natural carb (juice, fruit) with a fat (peanut butter) before bed. This will help regulate their sugar through the night. So last night Bill had an apple and peanut butter before bed and this morning his blood sugar was the closest to normal it has been all week. This may be a big step towards where we need to be. At least it affected something we could see.

Shadow is still not eating on his own. This is really a concern because I know what fatty liver disease does to a cat and from most of what I read if a cat goes even 24 hours without food can cause this very quickly. My brother is doing a great job of shoving food down his gullet but again I worry.

I finally broke down the other night after being with Shadow most of the day. I cried for about 2 hours and then in my state of curiosity I had to go online and research why people cry. It appears that when we cry we release all the extra hormones we have pent up in our bodies. Fascinating. I still have not found a website that covers why our noses become leaky faucets but I am guessing it is similar to the crying.

I am feeling disjointed and I guess you can probably tell by reading this. Guess that’s about it today.